S.W.A.P. ABUNDANT LIFE SINGLES MINISTRY

Have you ever thought you were ready for something only to get it and then discover that you are completely unprepared?

Well, that is the way that I am beginning to feel about marriage. I have been saying, “I’m ready God, you can send him any time now” I have even thought, because I dare not say it (not like God doesn’t know my thoughts, right?) “God’s watch must have stopped because my husband is late, he should have been here by now”. Well I guess since I was being funny God figured he would be too because he sent my 30 year old son home to live for while. Have you ever tried to date with your 30 year old “child” sitting on the couch with you and your date? I can almost guarantee you will NOT get a call for a second date.

Now, my son being there has also revealed some things to me about myself. I’m not ready, I’m not ready, I’m not ready. You see I have two other boys at home ages 15 and 9. At this age I can still just tell them what to do (i.e. you stink, go wash). With my grown son I have to make artfully phrased “suggestions” such as “oh I can see your workouts are really working, I am sure a nice hot shower would feel really good right now, would like me to start the water for you”. Then there is the typical male vs female mind set. Here is what I mean, let me set the stage. We are all leaving the house and will not be home until after dark. I turn on the table lamp and nothing; I think to myself that the bulb has blown so I go to the next lamp and the same thing. I check both lamps and the bulbs are not blown they are missing. I ask my son about it and the conversation goes like this:

Me: Did you take the bulbs out of the lamps?
Son: Yea, I needed one in the bathroom.
Me: Why did you take them both?
Son: I took one about a month ago and the other last week.
Me: Why didn’t you tell me?
Son: I told you two months ago we needed light bulbs.
Me: Yea, but you work at K-mart you actually stock the shelves with light bulbs. (At this point I am sure I audibly heard God laughing)

I’m not ready, I’m not ready, I’m not ready!

Now, don’t get me wrong he is a good son (he even had my initials tattooed on his arm last week) and is very helpful around the house and with his younger brothers, but he also likes to offer is opinion on things and I must say I do not always have a genuine appreciation for it. For instance, he has definite ideals about, how I should wear my hair, the color I should paint the living room (he knows nothing about interior design), how I should discipline his brothers and the list goes on. Since he is my son I can pretend to listen to him and still do what I want, but what if it was my husband?!

I’m not ready, I’m not ready, I’m not ready!

What do you think of when you hear that statement? It usually means to get focused on what you should be doing. This is something that I have had to tell myself often recently. I have gone thru a season of feeling overwhelmed and a time of well,…I am not sure apathy is quite the word but more like I was pushing against a brick wall and not seeing any progress. The wall was not moving. I was not even excited by the coming New Year; I thought it is just another day. Then something happened. I was exposed! I thought I had been covering pretty well this dark cloud hanging over me. After all, I had continued to attend church, and was still active in ministry; I was praising, praying and pressing. But, right in the middle of Praise Team practice for the New Year’s service (even though it is “practice” it is still a time of real praise and worship)as I pressed and pressed and determined that there would be change in my life and the this cloud would lift one of my Associate Pastor’s called me out! Yes she did, right there in front of everyone she said something to the effect she that my praise is connected to hers and she knew that I was struggling but that she appreciated my pressing in until I reached that place of worship that I needed. Then later she told me that I was not alone in what I had been experiencing and still later in the service she put her arms around me and prayed earnestly for me to see things with a new perspective. That is when I realized I had actually been undergoing change. Change is a process, and a major shift it the process took place as I received what she prayed and prophesied over me. My head got in the game as my prospective changed and I realized what I had been experiencing was actually the grieving process for the things I was leaving behind as I continue to change and grow. Just as grieving is a part of the natural dying process it is also a part of the spiritual growing process. When we begin to die to ourselves and live for Christ, there are things we will need to give up and will miss. But, by seeing things from God’s perspective and allowing the grieving process to take place we will continue to move forward.

Side note: I have noticed, that my spiritual muscles sure have grown since I have been pushing against that wall.