S.W.A.P. ABUNDANT LIFE SINGLES MINISTRY

Decide what matters. If you are interested in a long term commitment, then deciding what matters to you in a partner is better done before you meet them. This is not a time to decide that your future partner should have blue eyes or black hair because you want kids with that combination; rather this is a time to be selective about what really matters. Fifteen years later appearances change and if you fall in love with the appearance of a person and not their intellect, character, or heart, then you will have built the foundation of your marriage on a sink-hole. Make a list. This is the hardest part of the process, making a list of the qualities that are really important to you and compliment you in some way. For instance, if you know that you are a spender when it comes to money, then you are better off marrying a saver. If you are coming into the marriage with kids from a previous marriage, then it is essential to have a spouse that loves kids. If you like to watch weird Sci-Fi movies, then it is good to have someone who can enjoy them with you. The list should be long and as specific as possible without too much detail. For instance, writing down a general statement such as “good sense of humor” is not specific enough; rather “enjoys a dry sense of humor” is a better statement. On the other hand, too specific statements limit your prospects. This is about finding a balance.

I came across this information and just knew I had to share it with you. It is a little lengthy so I am breaking it down into small segments. I hope you enjoy it. By Chris Hammond, MS Whether you are still single or find yourself single again, the prospect of dating can be overwhelming. There is quite a bit of advice about dating but not much about preparing to date. Deciding in advance why you are dating and what type of person you want to date, makes the decision of whether or not to date someone or how long to date someone much easier. Why date. For some, the purpose of dating is to discover if the person you are interested in getting to know better is has the potential for becoming a long term partner. This is not about getting a marriage proposal on the first date; rather it is an acknowledgement that there is a desire for something more at some point in time. For others, dating has one purpose, to have fun. For the fun seekers, the idea of any commitment longer than one date is too much for them. Generally speaking, this is why those interested in just having fun are not good matches for those interested in long term commitments. Don’t waste your time. If you are dating to find a partner, then wasting your time with those just having fun can be frustrating for both of you. Once you discover that your date is not interested in the same outcome, parting your ways for the time being on friendly terms is better than stringing out a relationship that will eventually end with someone feeling resentment. Either the person desiring the long term commitment will resent the fun seeker because they won’t change their mind or the fun seeker will resent the long term commitment person because they have changed their mind. However it happens, someone is hurt and this is not a good way to begin a marriage.

Come on my people! Why are we resistant to prayer when it is the very thing that will bring us so much closer to God. I posted a prayer earlier this week and only one person read it. I think that is sad. Prayer is our communication with The Father. Prayer is one of the things that makes our relationship with him intimate and personal. Think about that as you pray this prayer. Father, sometimes being single can be so lonely, so painful. Seeing people in pairs, laughing and having fun, makes me feel even more alone and different. Lord, please comfort me in these times. Help me to deal with my feelings and thoughts in an appropriate way. Help me to remember to work hard on myself, so that I will be whole and mature when You bring the right person into my life. Help me to remember that this is a time of preparation for the day when I will be joined to another human being for life. Show me how to be responsible for myself and how to allow others to be responsible for themselves. Teach me about boundaries — what they are and how to establish them instead of walls. Teach me about love, Your love, and how to speak the truth in love, as Jesus did. Father, I don’t want to be a hindrance to my future spouse, to You, or to myself. Help me to take a good look at myself, at my self-image. Lead me to people — teachers, preachers, counselors — and to things — books, tapes, seminars — anyone and anything You can use to teach me Your ways of being and doing right and being whole. Teach me how to choose the mate You would have for me. Give me the wisdom I need to see clearly and not to be double-minded. Help me to recognize the qualities You would have me look for in a mate. Father, thank You for revealing to me that the choice of a mate is not to be based only on emotions and feelings, but that You have very definite guidelines in the Bible for me to use. I know that when I put these principles into practice, I will save myself a lot of pain and trouble. Thank You that You are not trying to make things hard for me, but that You know me better than I know myself. You know my situation — You know the beginning from the end. You know the qualities and attributes that are needed in another person that will make me happy in our shared life together and will make that person happy with me. I pray that You will keep my foot from being caught in a hidden trap of danger. I cast the care of this decision on You, knowing that You will cause my thoughts to come in line with Your will so that my plans will be established and succeed. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen. Scripture References: 1 Corinthians 1:3,4 NIV James 1:5-8 Ephesians 4:15 Proverbs 3:26 AMP Matthew 6:33 AMP Proverbs 16:3 AMP

Father, I thank You that I desire and earnestly seek first after the things of Your Kingdom. I thank You that I know that You love me and that I can trust Your Word. For in Jesus the whole fullness of diety (the Godhead) continues to dwell in bodily form [giving complete expression of Your divine nature], and I am in Him and have come to the fullness of life [in Christ. In Him I am filled with the Godhead—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—and I reach full spiritual stature]. And He is the Head of all rule and authority [of every angelic principality and power]. So because of Jesus, I am complete; Jesus is my Lord. I come before You, Father, desiring a born-again, Christian mate; nevertheless, I petition that Your will be done in my life. Now I enter into Your blessed rest by adhering to, trusting in, and relying on You, in the name of Jesus, amen. Scripture References: Matthew 6:33 amp Hebrews 4:10 amp Colossians 2:9,10 amp This prayer comes from the book: Prayers that avail much. You can find most of the prayers in that book at the following site. http://www.prayers.org/search.asp

Most of us have a desire to live a drama free life. What do you do if the person you are in a serious relationship with (contemplating marriage) brings “drama” with them. Does that mean they are unprepared for marriage? Could this drama be because they are putting things in order in their life and it is causing a shaking, a sifting? Personally, I think this may be a good thing. Most of us say we want a mate that is honest and transparent. One of the things taught by my Pastors in the Love and Respect classes is there should be no secrets in a marriage. Well then it only makes sense that we do not want to start the marriage with secrets either. We want our “intended” to feel free to share any and everything with us. That includes the drama. Think about it, has your life been drama free? Is expecting a drama free life even biblical? Doesn’t the word say that in this life we will have trouble? That does not sound drama free to me. Now I am not saying to connect yourself with someone carrying excess baggage that has not been dealt with. I am saying do not be so quick to disqualify someone from your life because they have some issues they are trying to resolve. Chances are you have a few or your own. The key thing is to seek God first and to have open and honest communication. Ask HIM to reveal to you all that you need to know and how to handle it. HE is faithful. Peace.

I have a special blog for you today. It was sent to me by my friend Pastor EJ McFadden. Is there such a thing as soul mates? Does God have one specific person for you to marry? The common idea of a “soul mate” is that for every person, there is another person who is a “perfect fit,” and if you marry anyone other than this soul mate, you will never be happy. Is this concept of a soul mate biblical? No, it is not. The soul mate concept is often used as an excuse for divorce. Yet often it is simply man made doctrine which has no biblical support. Although God has, according to His sovereignty, caused men and women to become attracted to one another (Judges 14:1-4). People who are unhappy in their marriage sometimes claim that they did not marry their soul mate and therefore should divorce and begin the search for their true soul mate. This is nothing more than an excuse, a blatantly unbiblical excuse. If you are married, the person you are married to is your soul mate. Mark 10:7-9 declares, “A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” A husband and wife are “united,” “one flesh,” “no longer two, but one,” and “joined together,” i.e., soul mates. A marriage may not be as unified and joyous as a couple wishes it to be. A husband and wife may not have the physical, emotional, and spiritual unity that they desire. But even in this instance, the husband and wife are still soul mates. A couple in such a situation needs to work on developing true “soul mate” intimacy. By obeying what the Bible teaches about marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33), a couple can develop the intimacy, love, and commitment that being “one flesh” soul mates entails. If you are married, you are married to your soul mate. No matter how disharmonious a marriage is, God can bring healing, forgiveness, restoration, and true marital love and harmony. Is it possible to marry the wrong person? If we give ourselves to God and seek His guidance, He promises to direct us: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6). The implication of Proverbs 3:5-6 is that if you are not trusting in the Lord with all your heart, and are leaning on your own understanding, you can go the wrong direction. Yes, it is possible, in a time of disobedience and lack of close fellowship with God, to marry someone whom He did not desire you to marry. Even in such an instance, though, God is sovereign and in control. Even if a marriage was not God’s desire, it is still within His sovereign will and plan. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), and “marrying the wrong person” is never presented in the Bible as grounds for divorce. The claim “I married the wrong person and will never be happy unless I find my true soul mate” is unbiblical in two respects. First, it is a claim that your wrong decision has overridden God’s will and destroyed His plan. Second, it is a claim that God is not capable of making a struggling marriage happy, unified, and successful. Nothing we do can disrupt God’s sovereign will. God can take any two people, no matter how mismatched, and mold them into two people who are perfect for each other. If we maintain close fellowship with God, He will lead us and guide us. If a person is walking with the Lord and truly seeking His will, God will lead that person to the spouse He intends. God will lead us to our “soul mate” if we submit to Him and follow Him. However, being soul mates is both a position and a practice. A husband and wife are soul mates in that they are “one flesh,” spiritually, physically, and emotionally united to each other. In practice, though, there is a process of taking what a couple is, soul mates, and making that a day-by-day reality. True soul mate oneness is only possible by implementing the biblical pattern of marriage.

Oh, boy is God dealing with me! Well actually, I think he is preparing me. I have recently started communicating with a gentleman I met on a Christian online dating site. And boy am I being challenged. I have always made Godly Man number one on my list of attributes that I want in a husband. Well the gentleman that I have been corresponding with is showing me how much God means to him and has challenged me in my knowledge and commitment to the Word, and a few other things. My initial thought was “who are you to test me?” I mean how dare him, right? I know who I am. Yes I know who I am but he does not. And he is doing the right thing, the smart thing. He is asking the really serious questions. Finding out where my heart truly lays. He is digging for the truth not just looking at the surface or listening to my pretty words. He has caused me to do some self-examination. I have had to ask myself “am I really ready to submit?”, “am I willing to give up the role that I have held so long as head of the family?”, “am I really ready for a man the puts God ahead of me?”. These are the things we say we want in a mate but when we actually come face-to-face with the possibility of it, it is a little sobering. I ask myself these questions and my answer is still a resounding YES. Is there a lot of work involved? YES. Will the flesh have to die? OH YES. Will it be easy? NO. Am I willing to do it? OH YES,YES,YES. Now don’t get me wrong I am not saying he is "The One" and that we are getting married. I am saying that should this relationship end tomorrow I have learned a lot from it. And I thank GOD for every opportunity HE gives me to grow.

All right my people, I admit that I have not done the best job at keeping up with this blog. However, I have been issued a challenge to make regular post. My goal is to make at least three posts per week. Now here is what I need from you. READ IT…lol… and then leave a comment, if nothing else saying “so and so was here”. But seriously I need you input. I want to write about the things you want to read about. In order to do that I need to hear from you. What are some of the topics you would like to see addressed here? What do you think we as the Church can do to help singles with the issues we face? I check the site daily so your comments, questions, hello’s (lol) should appear within the next 24-48 hours after submission. Waiting to hear from you. Peace.

During research for this blog I came across the following question/comment"?", (not sure what to call it). We as singles and as the church face many trials, temptations, obstacales and so on. Some of them are things that we (The Body of Christ)have not always openly discussed. Well now is the time for discussion. Please

leave your comments stating what you think about this persons situation and perhaps how you would respond to them. I'm sure many of you will be familiar with this experience. Over the last 2-3 years I have seen many of my friends get married and now starting to have kids. That fills me with mixed emotions as I am really happy for my friends but the reminder of what I am missing is painful. It sticks the knife in and intensifies and intensifies my own loneliness. At friends weddings, I have to sit through all the usual prattle from the vicar about the fact that marriage was given by God to provide companionship and all the joys and benefits of it. On one wedding, I endured hearing the groom saying how he felt lonely after the death of his first wife and being reminded that I did not even have that. At a previous church, when a man's wife went away for a few days (family circumstances or job), the people in the church empathised and visited him or invited him around but never thought about single people like myself who had to live like that all the time. As I struggle with same-sex attraction, many people in the Christian community have said that I should consign myself to singleness. They then find their own partners and I never see them again. Another one who said the same and said that singleness is a great calling a few weeks later did a sermon on how married people experience a quality and length of life, and better health and finances. How thoughtful! Most of my friends have families and keep saying "we'll have to meet up, it's best if you come to visit us as we have kids who need to go to bed early". I understand that but every time I see them at church it's the same - "we've been incredibly busy this week and next few weeks but after that..."...although they quickly made time when they wanted some jobs doing (which I did not charge for as I did it as a favour). Whinge over for me, but I'm really feeling unvalued and most Christians are expecting me to stay single due my same-sex attraction. Whilst on the one side, I agree because I'd rather be single than be married to somebody I'm not attracted to, I feel quite peeved that those who have said that have done very little to support me and just dismiss my struggles with "life is difficult for many people". I am waiting to hear your thoughts. Peace

You all, I have been reading up a storm! I want to share a book with all my single ladies (don’t worry guys I have one for you coming soon). The title is; Preparing to Be a Helpmeet, it is written by Debi Pearl. This book helps us to see the ways we can help our (future) husbands now and how to prepare ourselves for them. It has a lot of practical advice and the stories are good. I am sure you will enjoy it. It is available from Amazon in both paper and digital form. For all of us gadget heads, you can download the Kindle app to your phone, tablet or PC and get the book on Kindle. Okay I tried to insert a picture of the book cover (...sigh, that would have been so cool) but I cannot get to work. Sorry :-( Peace

All I can say is WOW!!! We have had our first Purity Campagin and will soon be taking it to the county.

There is so much going on. We had a great Valentine's dinner, the fellowship was so much fun. We are planning more fun fellowship events, so keep an eye out, they will be be posted here and on Facebook.

Also look for our pre-marriage classes. We will be using the Love and Respect book. These classes are to prepare us singles for marriage. Teaching us how to love and respect one another and what to expect in marriage before we get married.

A Lot of greast things are on the way.